I’m not sure when it got dark but I’m just here laying in my bed post-shower (second shower of the day btw) post-dog park paralyzed about what to eat for dinner so just scrolling around on the internet instead. I wouldn’t say it’s mindless scrolling. I’ve been searching for something. But I’m not quite sure what. Tangibly, I’ve been looking at various places to go for experiences and activities – craft workshops, classes, book clubs, etc. Am I still looking for community? Am I not satisfied with my current one? Am I looking for intellectual stimulation? Am I just looking to create something with more physicality? Am I just trying to stay busy? I’m not really sure.

I think whatever this is was triggered by taking a stained glass workshop this weekend. I cannot put into words how thoroughly I enjoyed it. I can’t remember the last time I so thoroughly enjoyed something. (I did really enjoy the Broad Street run during but the anxiety before and the soreness after make it not quite comparable.)

Since then I’ve signed my parents up to join me for the same workshop when they visit next month. I’ve signed myself up for a six week flameworking class – think sculpting glass with fire. And I’m seriously considering a workshop to make a doomsday cyberdeck.

I’m still feeling weird about dating. Do I want to be a spinster? Maybe. Have I ever enjoyed my life as much coupled as I have single? I’m honestly not sure and that feels a bit weird to sit with.

I don’t need the answers now. Don’t get me wrong, I would LOVE TO KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS NOW. But I don’t have them. And I won’t have them tomorrow. Or the following day. So I GUESS I can be at peace with not having them.

I’ve been slacking at yoga. I’ve just been so tired in the morning I want to sleep in. And I have been. 7:20 is sleeping in for me! But I’ve been trying not to overthink it and get too rigid self monitoring or forcing myself into a routine that doesn’t feel right at the moment. Sleep is important. Sleep to me is a priority over yoga.

Routines are comforting but their purpose is to make life easier. They can be flexible. They can be seasonal. And they can be disrupted. I do think all the recent fireworks are responsible for my schedule being off kilter. As many Philadelphians have already said, “WTF Cherelle Parker why did you set the fireworks off in the middle of the fucking night?”

Anyway, my routine will continue to be nonexistent as I am about to travel to Ottawa for a plant biology conference. And then in August my parents will be here for three weeks.

As I write this I’m realizing why the fuck does it seem to surprise me every year about how much summer disrupts routine?! I know this. This and the heat are big reasons why it’s my least favorite season.

I suppose it’s late and I probably should go eat something. And I should probably preemptively drop out of the early morning yoga class I signed up for tomorrow morning. Adieu.